<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Blondes Have the Most Fun by TheCauldronDiscord</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28471530">Blondes Have the Most Fun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCauldronDiscord/pseuds/TheCauldronDiscord'>TheCauldronDiscord</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Parahumans Series - Wildbow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cauldron Give-a-Fic-a-Thon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:13:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28471530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCauldronDiscord/pseuds/TheCauldronDiscord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A fic written for the Cauldron Give-a-Fic-a-Thon event, Fic Santas, in December 2020, based on the prompt "<b>[AU] Victoria and Lisa doing something as friends.</b>" This was written for Giles by an author who wishes to remain anonymous.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Victoria Dallon | Glory Girl | Antares &amp; Lisa Wilbourn | Tattletale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Cauldron Give-a-Fic-a-Thon</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Blondes Have the Most Fun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay, check this one: across the street at the crosswalk, guy with the hat.”</p><p>Victoria picked out the man Lisa was talking about and winced.  He looked like he had started picking his wardrobe out of a Goodwill donation bin in Texas, and then drove all the way up to a Wisconsin Goodwill just to finish the second half.</p><p>“When you said you wanted to grab a coffee, I thought you wanted to talk about school.  Or Aiden and Kenzie.  Or just… chat.”</p><p>It was a wonderful day to be outside and just hang out.  Fluffy white clouds were keeping the sun from being too harsh, and a cool breeze from the bay was just chilly enough that Victoria’s coffee cup was a pleasant warmth in her hands.</p><p>“Oh, come on,” Lisa said, leaning back and throwing one arm over the back of her chair.  “People-watching is a perfectly respectable sport, and you know how good I am at it.”</p><p>Victoria rolled her eyes.  “Yes, you’re the champion of judging people based off of next to no information.”</p><p>Lisa didn’t seem that bothered by the insult.  “You can’t prove I’m wrong about them.  Like, for instance, take that goth kid over there.”  She pointed with her thumb across the street from the cafe, where a handful of people were heading along at a leisurely pace.</p><p>“I’d rather not,” Victoria said.</p><p>“Hush.  See, he’s got those ratty jeans and a hoodie, but look at his shoes.”</p><p>Despite herself, Victoria did just that.  They were black tennis shoes, either new or recently cleaned.  She didn’t know enough about guy fashion to tell if they were some expensive brand or a goth staple or something.</p><p>When she cocked an eyebrow at Lisa, her friend continued, “those are the kinds of shoes that you only ever see prissy rich kids wearing, especially the ones with white trim, since so much as <em>looking</em> at mud will get them dirty.  He’s living some kind of double life, maybe with some rich friends, maybe with his parents, but he’s gotta be switching outfits at least twice a day, and his shoes are pulling double duty.”</p><p>“You’re one to talk,” Victoria said.  “You have the literally most expensive phone on the market and you put it in a case from the dollar store.  Not to mention what you use it for.”</p><p>“We don’t need to bring Twitter into this,” Lisa said quickly, her face twisting like she’d just bitten into a lemon.</p><p>“I just think you’re projecting, is all.”</p><p>Lisa took the time to carefully put down her cup and then gestured widely with both of her hands.  “If you’re not having fun with this, I don’t know if there’s any hope for you.”</p><p>“Well, if you want to put your masterful deductive reasoning to some actual use-“</p><p>“Victoria, no.”</p><p>But neither Lisa’s objections, nor her attempts to hold Victoria’s bag closed, could prevent her from pulling out three bundles of paper and laying them out on the small round table between them.  “Cold cases!”</p><p>“Morbid and freaky crap, you mean.”</p><p>“Oh come on, you’ll love these.  Here, this one has unusual dog prints and mysterious meat-“</p><p>“You mean like the slop they serve at the Student Center?” Lisa sniped.</p><p>Victoria powered through, “-this guy had his eyes gouged out and his junk ripped off-“</p><p>Lisa made a very realistic gagging sound.</p><p>“-and this one was actually considered solved before the guy they executed for it got proven innocent through DNA analysis, so it went back in the pile.”</p><p>“Some days, I worry that you’re just showing me these to see the ones I react to the most so you’ll have a selection when you start making your own cold case crimes.”</p><p>Victoria frowned.  “Wait, in this hypothetical situation, am I murdering you, or murdering other people and then showing you the cases?”</p><p>“Let’s say it’s me, because you’ve already started by murdering my appetite.  Wouldn’t you rather be catty about some girl’s makeup or shit on a guy who’s clearly never looked in a mirror?  Look there, that guy who just came from the ATM thingie, he looks like he mistook Guy Fieri for high fashion and thought he should aim a little lower.”</p><p>“Lisa, come on.”</p><p>“No seriously, <em>you </em>come on.  You’re not even looking, he’s got this horrible bleached-blond dye job that doesn’t even go down to his ears.”</p><p>“Lisa, I’m not <em>going </em>to look, because you’re just going to suck me into another judgey… judgement-fest, and it’s going to feel fun in the moment, but then I’m going to feel bad about it later, like always.  Can’t we just… talk?  Or talk about people who aren’t literally in front of us?”</p><p>Victoria blinked, a bit surprised at herself, and then sipped at her drink while she made an effort to calm down.</p><p>“Shit, girl, I didn’t realize it was hitting you like that.”</p><p>“It’s not…” Victoria took another slow sip.  “I just have experience being talked about behind my back.  There’s a reason the first time we met, I thought you were making fun of me.”</p><p>“Mmm, to be fair, I kinda was, though.”</p><p>“But at least you were mean right to my face, in a way I could respond to, you know?”</p><p>“Hey,” Lisa said, reaching across the table to lay her hand on Victoria’s arm, “we can do something else.  Talk about the weather or reality TV or something.  But first, you seriously have to see this guy, he’s just absurd.”</p><p>“Lisa,” Victoria whined- she’d decided she wasn’t past whining at this point- “please leave it alone.  Everyone’s shitty at something, and just because a lot of people happen to be shitty at fashion-</p><p>“Wait,” Victoria said slowly, “you said he came from the ATM?”</p><p>Lisa gulped.  “I have a bad feeling about this.”</p><p>Victoria’s eyes were locked on the man in question now, following him as he crossed the road between the sandwich place and the jewelry store.  “Last week, there was a car chase that made the news, remember?”</p><p>“Uh,” Lisa started.</p><p>“He got away, which is pretty rare once they have a helicopter on them.  But the police knew who the guy was, they have pictures.”</p><p>“This coffee was pretty expensive.”</p><p>“He didn’t have blond hair in those pictures, but the face…”</p><p>“We really shouldn’t let it get cold.”</p><p>“I need to report this,” Victoria said.</p><p>Lisa groaned and threw her head back.  “Please, I’m begging you, don’t run off to play Supercop, just this once.  Just one time, please.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’m just going to call it in,” Victoria said, phone already out.  She aimed the camera at the man, pinching her screen to zoom in, and took a few pictures before typing something out with her thumbs.</p><p>“You’re not going to run off to arrest him and leave me with the bill?”</p><p>Victoria glanced up from her phone.  “When have I ever done that?”</p><p>With a long-suffering sigh, Lisa said, “it’s come close a few times, trust me.”</p><p>“Well,” Victoria said, pocketing her phone, “it’s not happening this time.  Now the police know what he looks like and where he is, and we can just drink our coffee and relax.”</p><p>Lisa’s assuredly witty reply was cut off by the sound of gunfire from just down the street, a sharp, booming crack like a firework going off too close.  There was a scream and the sound of sirens almost immediately, and by the time the shock had worn off, Lisa realized that she was sitting alone, with two expensive coffees that hadn’t been paid for yet.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>